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Eco-Terrorists Cause Ocean to Rise

In Australia right-wingers are blaming environmentalists for the fires consuming their country.

Eco terrorist
Eco terrorist at sink

The Baja beaches were awash with pots, pans, and even an iron skillet or two. A yellow-jacketed emergency crew roamed everywhere retrieving literally dozens of them. They moved as if wading through molasses, dazed by what they were seeing.

Supervisor Ernie Hernandez turned to our camera slowly, shaking his head. “They have no respect for human life,” he mumbled referring to the eco-terror group Greenpeace. “At least they didn’t use plastic.” Walking away, he could be heard sobbing.

The same scenario was playing out on beaches around the world. Literally hundreds of metal containers and cookware had been used to dump fresh water into the ocean. It is estimated that the seas around the world will rise more than 2 inches in the next 2 years if it isn’t stopped.

In New York, Sean Hannity of Fox News grills Antonio Guterres, Secretary of the United Nations, for their complicity. Sean renders him speechless with his withering attack on their enabling behavior.

In the Maldives President Ibrahim Mohamed Solih despaired. “All this time I thought the green movement was in our corner, fighting for our survival.” He slams his fist down on his desk unable to say more.

Sixteen members of the Heritage Foundation are gathered in front of Wall Street Stock Exchange with a large brass bell where they solemnly intoned the names of the world’s communities that will perish: “Cape Hatteras, gong… Venice, bong… Monte Carlo, gong... The Miami Yacht Club, bong….”

With the Presidential helicopter roaring in the background, President Donald Trump stops on his way to Mar a Lago to answer questions and offer hope. “Look, I know a lot about the oceans. Maybe more than anyone,” he demurs. “What they put in can be taken back out! Believe me. I know what I’m talking about. Don’t worry we’ll get ‘em. We’ll get ‘em all. Gotta go,” he waves as he walks away mouthing the words, ‘tee time’.

The Justice Department has issued 234 warrants for the arrest of international eco-terrorists. Greta is the first name on the list. A printed Amazon order for a set of Symmetry Hard Anodized Nonstick cookware was found in her New York hotel room after her visit to the United Nations. They were the expensive kind.

Congress is now considering a bill to make the death penalty mandatory for environmental terrorism. There is a provision for “drawing and quartering”. “The punishment must fit the crime!” Lindsey Graham asserts.

Al Gore has not issued a statement and is in seclusion at his Tennessee home.

Not since environmentalists started all the fires in Australia has there been a scandal of this proportion. There seems to be no end in sight. The world is stunned and despairing of the future.


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